I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
