Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
