you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
