Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
