you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
