Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
