I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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