Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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