I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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