I love black thongs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
