Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
