i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
