he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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