Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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