I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
