No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
