You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
