a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
