1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're like the curious george of whores
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
