Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
