I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
