whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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