You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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