I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
