I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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