It's Friday. Sex?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
