You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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