Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
