If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
