i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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