U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
babies were throwing up all over the place
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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