Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
