Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he fucked my hip out of place.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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