mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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