I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
