ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
