I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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