I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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