You don't have asthma, your pregnant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
