Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
