I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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