She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
