I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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