i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
