You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
