brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
