all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
