he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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