Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
