I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
